Reprecipitations
by Mrs. Singing Violin
Summary: It is never a good idea to second-guess Kathryn Janeway. Resolutions AU.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Reprecipitations  
Rating: K+  
Series: Star Trek: Voyager  
Author: Singing Violin  
Summary: It is never a good idea to second-guess Kathryn Janeway. Resolutions AU.  
Disclaimer: The characters are borrowed, please don't sue.  
Feedback: If you have read my story, and have something to say about it, positive or negative, please share. Corrections are especially welcome, and errors will be fixed promptly.  
Dedication: For Aunt Kathy, who made me re-watch Resolutions.

The moment she appeared in the doorway, Chakotay knew something had changed. With bright eyes, she affixed him with a meaningful stare.

While her face shouted, however, her voice was but a whisper. "Eureka," she squeaked, as a small smile played upon her lips and moisture threatened at the corners of her eyes.

He rose and approached her slowly, irrationally fearful that any sudden motion would cause her to flee. Gracefully, when he was near enough, he raised his right hand and touched her shoulder, his own eyes begging her to complete the thought, to confirm what he already understood.

"We're cured," she breathed, affirming his knowledge. "I've formulated an effective treatment. We don't have to stay here any longer."

He wanted so desperately to rejoice with her, but just as she had resisted his settling in not so long ago, so he too resisted this new development, now that he had made a home on this peaceful planet. "That's…great," he managed to choke out, and pulled her into an awkward hug.

Then, as they broke apart, he posed the dreaded query, "How soon do you want to leave?"

Her eyes widened in surprise that timing was even in question. "As soon as we can pack everything we need, if that's all right with you."

He nodded his assent, and silently began letting go of all his recent hopes and dreams. The images of a log cabin big enough for a family, of small children playing in the garden, of a handmade swing set…all of it dissolved into oblivion, nullified by a single word.

They packed in silence, each of them absorbed within their own thoughts. He wondered, briefly, whether she'd even entertained the same fantasies of home, hearth, and family – or whether she'd remained solidly focused on the goal she'd just attained.

He'd tried many times to get closer to her, to persuade her to let him in, but she resisted. He knew, from her subtle reactions to his gestures, that she was attracted to him, that she also longed to become more intimate, but something was holding her back. Even after the storm destroyed her research, her resolution to move on had lasted only until the primate she'd been tracking finally approached closely enough for her to scan it and decide that it held the secret to their recovery. From then on, she'd continued to pursue the animal, and apparently had managed to get it to cooperate.

He'd have to ask her how later…though truth be told, he really wasn't interested. If he had been, he would have aided her more directly in her research from the beginning, rather than occupying his time making their lives more comfortable. He'd honestly thought she was chasing a pipe dream, but apparently he had underestimated her…again.

Another reason to regret what he was giving up by returning to their life aboard _Voyager_. As long as she was his captain, they could only become so close. She'd made this abundantly clear. And he had to admit that wanting such an extraordinary woman's attention all for himself was rather selfish…and apparently unrealistic, because even in the scarce moments she claimed to have given up on finding a cure and leaving New Earth, she remained distant, somehow. She wanted to "establish parameters" for their relationship. He didn't even know what that meant, and he told her so! And then he followed up with the corniest pick-up line he'd ever attempted…an "ancient legend" she saw through in about five seconds.

Damn, that woman was smart. She'd been touched, obviously, by his devotion…she hadn't bothered to hide the tears falling down her cheeks after his thinly-veiled admission of love. But she'd stopped short of returning it. Only her hand touched his. He'd hoped that was a promise of more to come, but nothing had…and then the silly monkey had had to intervene. She'd said she "sensed intelligence" in the primate…but it hadn't been intelligent enough to leave well enough alone where they were concerned.

Or perhaps it knew something Chakotay didn't.

"Are you ready?" she asked him, and he thought he heard her voice waver ever-so-slightly.

He nodded, swallowing, not trusting himself to speak. Their eyes met, and then he turned to survey the planet they were leaving behind. When he turned around again, she was already in the shuttle, and he scrambled in behind her.

Without a directive, they began a course towards home: at Warp 4, 700 years away…but in the direction _Voyager_ had undoubtedly traveled. Perhaps they would encounter something or someone along their way that could help them to reconnect with their former ship and crew.

Days stretched into weeks, and they barely talked. She read constantly; he didn't bother to ask what, and he tried repeatedly - and unsuccessfully, though he didn't tell her that - to contact his spirit guide. In the cramped shuttlecraft, it seemed necessary to offer each other as much space as possible. At least, that was the excuse he gave himself.

Occasionally they conversed about possible places to stop along their journey, to obtain supplies and fuel, but they were in no desperate need, and so it was deemed too risky. If the people they encountered were unfriendly, they would immediately be outnumbered and outgunned, an impossible scenario for survival.

They would, eventually, need to stop…they'd discussed it briefly, but the possibility kept being pushed further forward. Perhaps she was afraid that, if they stopped, they'd stop for good.

_And would that be such a bad thing?_ he thought idly. _I don't know how much more of this I can take_.

And then, when he thought he'd reached the end of his rope – and so had she, though she wouldn't have dared to admit it – they picked up a distress beacon.

"It's Federation!" Janeway exclaimed worriedly. "I think…," her voice lowered then, and her urgency was palpable, "it's _Voyager_."

He typed a few commands and then nodded. "It's automated," he remarked. "We'll be within scanning range in two hours. I'll hail them in the meantime."

Those were the longest two hours of their entire journey thus far. There was no reply from the ship, and the captain busied herself at the controls, as if she could make the shuttlecraft go faster if she willed it hard enough, or perhaps instantaneously improvise some sort of patch that would allow them to scan at longer range. He paced around the cabin as she worked, dread flooding his core.

When finally they approached, their worst fears were confirmed.

"No life signs," Chakotay spoke aloud, and his words sounded far away, as if they were emanating from a dream. He shook his head slightly, hoping upon hope that this _was_ a dream, but when he looked up at her, he saw that she was already at work trying to prove him wrong.

"Well," Kathryn spoke slowly, "if there's really nobody on board, then it should be safe for us to transport over. Looks like life support is still functional. Let's hope there's just a problem with their communications array."

"And our sensors?" Chakotay queried darkly.

She shrugged. "We've seen a lot of weird stuff here in the Delta Quadrant. Let's hope all is not as it seems."

He bit his lip briefly, then replied, "Aye, Captain."

Again they fell into silence as they dressed into biohazard suits, a customary precaution when entering an empty vessel.

They transported directly to the bridge, and the first thing they saw was Tuvok's body, still in the captain's chair.

Kathryn gasped, audibly, then ran over, scanning him with her tricorder.

The readings were unmistakable. "Vidiians," she muttered angrily. "They took his organs and left the rest of him here to rot."

It was then that she looked up and noticed that Tuvok was not the only one. Scattered around the bridge were the bodies of half a dozen other officers, including Harry Kim and Tom Paris.

"Same story for the rest of them," remarked Chakotay sadly. "And I suspect everyone else on the ship."

Janeway lowered herself into the nearest empty chair and removed the headpiece of her suit; pathogens were the least of her worries now. She rested her head in her hands and began to cry.

"Kathryn-," Chakotay spoke, realizing her tears were as much from exhaustion – mental and physical – as from grief. He walked towards her, and she reached out a hand, signaling for him to stop, not to come any closer.

She didn't want his comfort.

Or perhaps she didn't want to be comforted.

"Let me help," he pleaded, removing his headpiece as well. "Kathryn," he repeated.

"How?" she hissed. "They're all dead, probably because they disobeyed our orders and tried to contact the Vidiians to get a cure…for us…a cure we didn't need, because _I_ found it!"

"I know," he admitted. "I can't bring them back to life, but I'm still here…you're still here. We have the ship. We can probably reactivate the doctor, maybe find out what happened."

She looked up at him then, tears still streaming down her face, and shook her head. "You and I can't run this ship alone, even with the doctor's help."

"Then we'll collect a crew," he offered. "We'll stop at every inhabited colony or planet and request assistance."

"In trade for what?" she retorted, removing her glove and unceremoniously wiping her nose with her hand. "Who in their right mind would help us? We might as well just land on the nearest uninhabited M-class world…"

Her voice trailed off, and he completed the thought for her, "Or go back to New Earth."

"And abandon any hope of getting home, after I…?" she interjected, stopping abruptly.

_She wishes now that she hadn't found the cure. Then we wouldn't be here, wouldn't know of _Voyager_'s fate. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss._

"You said it yourself, Kathryn. We can't run this ship alone." He was beginning to feel very frustrated and helpless. "What do you want to do?"

She sighed, still sniffling, then shook her head. "I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know."

"Then let me help you figure it out," Chakotay offered, and this time, she looked up into his eyes and nodded.

He knelt, then, at her feet, and drew her into a deep embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Reprecipitations  
Rating: K+  
Series: Star Trek: Voyager  
Author: Singing Violin  
Summary: It is never a good idea to second-guess Kathryn Janeway. Resolutions AU.  
Disclaimer: The characters are borrowed, please don't sue.  
Feedback: If you have read my story, and have something to say about it, positive or negative, please share. Corrections are especially welcome, and errors will be fixed promptly.

It wasn't long before she pulled away, squeezing his bio-suit slightly in her fists – as if to grab a bit of his essence for safe-keeping – before letting him go. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, trying desperately to stem the flow of tears.

She was suddenly aware of the dead bodies in the room…and their stench. She wrinkled her nose. "It smells awful in here." _Of course it does. Rotting corpses stink_.

"Yeah," he affirmed, feeling bereft of the warmth that had just moments ago been in his arms. "We should probably clean up. Give these good men and women a proper burial."

She nodded, looked around briefly, then bolted for the Ready Room, her hand covering her mouth.

"Kathryn?" he asked worriedly, following closely behind her.

He heard the unmistakable sound of retching behind the bathroom door. His heart clenched in his chest as he considered going to her. She had, after all, accepted his offer of help…_in figuring out what to do next, nothing more_, the cynical voice in his head elaborated.

It went on and on, and he started to worry.

_Oh hell…what have I got to lose?_ Finally, he overruled his sense of propriety and opened the door.

It wasn't locked.

_Of course it isn't…who has time to lock a door on their way to the toilet to vomit? That doesn't mean she's inviting you in._

She convulsed slightly, hunched over the commode, and he ran to her, silencing his internal naysayer as he approached.

He knelt beside her and began rubbing her back as she continued to heave.

He thought he heard her gasp when he first touched her, but she did nothing to resist.

_Of course not. She's a little busy right now_.

Still it continued, even with his tender ministrations. _She must be exhausted_. _I wouldn't be surprised if she collapsed any moment now_.

"Breathe, Kathryn," he tried suggesting, but that only seemed to make things worse, as she tensed at the sound of his voice.

So he waited through her prolonged agony, knowing it would have to stop eventually.

_We have all the time in the world now_.

Finally, gracelessly, she did collapse, falling against him and whimpering slightly. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled morosely.

"Don't be," he told her simply, wrapping his arms around her. "You do what you need to do."

She shook her head, still not turning to face him. _Perhaps she feels she can't face me now. Have I humiliated her?_

"Chakotay," she started, then swallowed harshly. "How are you handling this so well?"

He answered her with a question. "Are you done?"

She nodded. "I…I think so."

"Okay," he acknowledged. "Let's get you cleaned up, and then we can talk."

She looked down then, realizing she hadn't quite made it to the toilet, at least the first time. Her biohazard suit…at least, the part of it she was still wearing…was a mess.

He helped her to remove the remaining pieces of outerwear without further soiling the rest of her clothing. He also removed his own suit, and placed them both in the refresher. Then, he led her to the couch, motioning for her to sit down.

When she seemed settled, he walked over to the replicator and ordered a glass of water, a washcloth, and an empty basin, then placed the last item on the coffee table in front of her.

Tilting the glass, he poured a slight bit of the water onto the cloth, then offered it to her without a word.

She stared for a moment, then realization seemed to dawn on her. She grabbed the damp towel and silently wiped her face, then set it down on the table next to the bowl. He handed her the glass, then, and she tentatively sipped. He eyed the basin suggestively, but she didn't seem to need it.

"Feeling better?" he asked, gently patting her knee as he sat beside her.

She glared. "Not really."

He cleared his throat. "Right. So, you asked how I'm handling this so well."

She didn't speak, but her eyes begged him to continue.

Sighing, he contemplated how to explain. "Are you sure you don't already know?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "I guess I'm just not as strong as you are," she uttered bitterly, the disappointment in herself dripping from every word.

His eyes widened. "No!" he stated emphatically, squeezing her leg for emphasis. "You are the strongest person I know!"

"Then what?" she asked weakly.

"Do you remember the legend I told you about?" he queried.

"The fake one?" she responded.

At that, he smiled slightly, despite the situation. "Yeah, that one. Well, I'm at peace now." _I've got you, and that's all that matters to me_.

"But how can you just…deal, when your entire crew has been brutally murdered?" She seemed to be desperately searching for something to cling onto, something to… _to ease her burdens, idiot. Wasn't that supposed to be your job?_

He couldn't help himself. "It wasn't my crew, Kathryn…it was yours. I gave my people up to you two years ago. I mean…I still cared for them, and looked out for them, but they were no longer my responsibility, except as much as you delegated that to me."

She pulled her knees up to her chest then, suddenly feeling cold and vulnerable. "So, if you were the captain, you'd be as much of a wreck as I am?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think anyone can predict how they might react to something like this."

"We go over scenarios like this in the Academy," she said, and he understood that she was speaking mostly to herself, so he didn't interrupt. "The _Kobayashi Maru_, for one." Her contempt for herself was becoming increasingly evident in her tone. "Any cadet can handle this better than I can."

"No, Kathryn," he admonished. "They know it isn't real. You knew it wasn't real, then. I'm sure you handled it just as well as everyone else."

She shook her head again, and made a startling admission, sotto voce. "I cried for three days after the _Kobayashi Maru_. I never told anyone that before, but it really hit me hard. I didn't like having no way out. I just kept thinking about all those people, and how I must have missed some way to save them. But I was afraid, if I told anyone, that they'd never let me graduate. So I just hid in my room and came out when I finally got control of myself."

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, breathing deeply, knowing how difficult it was for her to confide in him. At once he was abundantly pleased that she was finally opening up to him, and intensely worried about her well-being.

"Thank you for sharing that with me," he said, his voice trembling a bit as he contemplated something comforting to say next. "And I can't speak to what they would have done if they'd known, but honestly, I think your compassion for the crew…your determination to protect them…saved more than a few lives in the course of our journey so far."

She squinted slightly at him, as if to say _you've got to be joking_. "I didn't save ANY lives…they're all dead. Every last one."

"Kathryn," he spoke, trying to draw her out of her guilt-infused reverie. "You saved us, for one. Without that cure…"

"We'd still be happily on New Earth," she finished for him. "Alive, well, and still thinking the same of the rest of the crew."

"That wouldn't bring them back to life either," he pointed out. "Just our not knowing."

"Wouldn't it?" She laughed bitterly. "Schrödinger's cat…"

He had to smile at her reference, but quickly focused back upon the task at hand. "You weren't with them. If you'd been here, you could have saved them."

"But I wasn't, Chakotay! I didn't find that cure fast enough…I screwed up, got bitten by that bug, and then wasn't there to save them."

"Hey!" he practically shouted. "I got bitten too. It is NOT our fault. We also told them not to contact the Vidiians. They disobeyed orders, and it got them killed."

She searched his eyes for a moment, clearly mulling something important. "They disobeyed my orders," she repeated. "They disrespected my authority. What kind of a captain was I if I couldn't command the respect of my crew?!"

Her feet hit the floor then, and she leaned forward as if to rise. He knew she intended to pace, but he held out a hand to prevent her from getting up.

Again, she glared in his direction.

He lowered his voice. "You're not well, Kathryn. I suggest you get some rest. Here or in your quarters. I can walk you there. Afterwards, I'll get started with the cleanup duties."

"I should help," she responded. "I want to help…I _have_ to help. As you said, they're my crew." _Even if they did completely disregard my orders._

"All right," he conceded, taking her hand and squeezing it. "But I'll be right by your side…" _Easing your burdens, just as I promised_. "Should I activate the doctor and get you an anti-nausea hypo for the smell?"

"I think I'll be all right now," she uttered unconvincingly. "There's nothing left in my stomach, anyhow."

_You were dry-heaving for at least ten minutes, so I doubt that'll stop you_.

Chakotay bit his tongue, and they went to work.

They'd gotten most of the bridge crew into burial pods when her eyelids began to droop, and he caught her as she almost fell over.

"Whoa, there," he remarked. "I think it's time to call it quits for the night. Come on, let's go."

She followed him into the turbolift and leaned heavily against him while they waited to arrive at their destination. When they reached her quarters, he was torn between dropping her off at the door and inviting himself in.

She made the decision for him. "Will you stay?" she asked shyly. "I know it sounds silly, but with all the bodies about, I feel like the ship is haunted. I…" She gulped before continuing. "I don't want to be alone."

He nodded. "Me either. It is rather eerie. I'll take the couch."

She seemed comfortable with that arrangement, and disappeared into the washroom to prepare for bed.

When she returned, he was already asleep.

"Thank you," she whispered, squatting down to kiss his forehead. She then collapsed into her bed and fell promptly into dreams.


End file.
